I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
