If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
