I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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