so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
