There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
