Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
