Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So squirting runs in the family.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
