its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
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You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
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I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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