Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My dick has a subreddit
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
