Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
