the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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