I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
