Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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