Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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