i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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