I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
