Who did Billy Mays play for?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
