i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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