my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
