so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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