You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
