I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
