"it" just moved
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
