I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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