see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She bit a glass in half.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Oh god it's open bar.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
