mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
