She said her name was "party"
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just found a bag of teeth...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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