I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
