at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
