apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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