man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
