I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
