Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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