someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
