You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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