Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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