"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
