Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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