tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
soo... how was my night?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
