The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
