my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
