Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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