We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
