wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
