Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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