Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
