we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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