I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
