Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
