Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
