You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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