i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize