i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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