We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
