I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
