just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
