My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
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He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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