If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
