ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
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