I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
