Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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