Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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