Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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