I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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