turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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