There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
