so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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