We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
