Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
