Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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