first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
