so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
