My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
