you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
