Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
