i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
