I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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