I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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